The Most Ultra-est Ultrasound Ever

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Dear Blue,

We saw you for the first time last Monday. When I say that, I don’t mean it literally. Modern technology is pretty modern and awesome, so we saw you for the first time back in July. That was the first ultrasound, and it was ultra awesome because there you were, real and impossibly funny and with that hummingbird heartbeat going a zillion miles an hour all on its own, excitedly alive.

On Monday, though, we SAW you, Blue. Like, you know, in the Avatar kind of way. And you have had me grinning from ear to ear ever since. Here’s why.

We went down to the radiology lab at 8:30 at night after grabbing a fat stack of Italian food at a local Silver Lake establishment. In order to make everything go smoothly, your mother was required to drink 32 ounces of water one hour before the test. This proved to be a challenge, as that is quite a bit of water and doesn’t exactly want to stay where you put it. Strategically, we waited until the very last second to chug those 32 ounces. We barely made it. Your mom was about to burst as we walked along the lake, but she held it in. She wanted to see you real bad.

At the lab, they took your mom back to do “the boring stuff” while I waited in the lobby. When they finally called me back there an hour later, the technician was behind frazzled, muttering “Oh your boy…He’s naughty…”

It’s not supposed to take an hour, Blue. You were stubborn, with your head wedged into the corner of your mother’s uterus so that they couldn’t get a proper picture. To my surprise, when I got in there, your mother wasn’t frustrated at all. In fact, she was laughing, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Mike, guess what your son just did.”

“Tell me.”

So she did. And it made me proud to be your father.

From what I can tell, ultrasound technicians are an odd bunch. They’re the medical equivalent of archaeologists. Sure, every once in a while they make some great discoveries that excite the world, but by and large, they’re sifting through dirt with a toothbrush. Ultrasound might seem exciting, but that’s only because the average person sees “the cool stuff.” A lot of it is sifting through dirt with a toothbrush, and my guess is this sort of dynamic makes a person slightly kooky, or it attracts the slightly kooky to begin with.

Gloria was slightly, endearingly kooky. She talked to you as she glided the camera over your mother’s belly, telling you “Good job” when you did the right thing or “Don’t do that!’ when you didn’t. At first, everything went fine. She got pictures of your fingers (All ten! Great!), your toes (ditto) and backbone. But then came that stubborn dome of yours, and she just couldn’t get an accurate read. She prodded your mother’s belly, applied about a pitcher full of that gel, but still…nothing. Finally, she got frustrated and scolded you, saying “You’re such a bad boy!”

Even though this was scheduled to be the ultrasound where we found out your gender, we already knew through a chromosome test. If I could change that, I would, because what you did next would be the best gender reveal ever.

After she said, “You’re such a bad boy!”, Gloria lightly slapped your mother’s belly. In effect, she spanked you. And then she told you to turn your head so she could see you. Immediately after, you turned. But instead of presenting your cranium to the camera, you decided it was best to announce to us you were, in fact, a boy.

You teabagged the camera, Blue. Straight up, with no shame to your game.

On the screen, in stark x-ray black and white, sat your boys, as clear as the full moon outside. Gloria sat up stiffly in shock, gasped and said she had never seen that in all her years of doing ultrasounds. And you held it.

It took another hour, a few laps around the radiology lab, toe touches, and a walk up the hill to the main hospital to get you to maneuver into a decent position to get a picture of your brain, and even then, it wasn’t good enough. We have to go back again in a week.

I’ll do it gladly, even if it because you’re stubborn and “extremely difficult” as the report said. Good.

There are times when you have to do what you’re told, Blue. Sometimes, you don’t. The real trick in life is trying to figure out which rules are in place to benefit you, and which ones benefit others. It takes some people most of their lives to figure out the difference. Most people, even when they know the difference, are still so used to following rules they can’t NOT follow them. You know why? Because not following the rules sometimes means standing up to rulemakers and saying, “No, I don’t accept that for myself.” Believe it or not, it’s scary to show the world your balls.

And at -5 months, you already have, Blue. Couldn’t be prouder.

-Dad

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33 thoughts on “The Most Ultra-est Ultrasound Ever”

  1. Oh Michael!! You’re always and ever the same; your way with words is awesome. I’m on board and can’t wait for the ‘next’ blog. It’s been quite a while since you spent your first week-end out of the hospital at mine and Papaw’s house….. I didn’t get much done.. LOL I simply ROCKED YOU all week-end. Not to be misunderstood; you were great/good and content, but I just loved rocking you.

    I’m SO SO SO happy for you two!!! God bless you both on this new and wonderful journey…

    I love you Michael, and of course Michele too; she too has to be awesome — you took a L O N G time picking her….

  2. Gonna be a great blog. I’m excited for you two. Good luck with that stubborn little boy that will rock your world from that first sighting till the end of all days. You’re gonna be amazing parents. If I were younger I’d petition you for adopting me. Love ya’ll.

  3. I love and adore this story. Congratulations on the wonderful baby may he always have the strength to show the world his balls.

  4. Excellent writing. Wonderful story. I hope that you remember this when he is old enough to get a goooood laugh at it and you read it to him. Keep encouraging him to be courageous. Congrats dad.

  5. Mike –

    This was hysterical! Better get used to Blue flashing the family jewels – my son used to streak through the house like the drunk guy at high school graduation until he was 5 or 6. This might have been Blue’s first official flash, but it sure won’t be his last! 🙂

    Linda

  6. awwww…. such a sweet son…i loved your name ‘blue’ and he is a rockstar already 🙂
    congratulations and thank you for being so candid about your precious moments, a privilege to learn about such a cute fella. good luck for the term.

  7. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually something that I think I would never understand. It seems too complex and extremely broad for me. I’m looking forward for your next article, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

  8. Haha! This is great! My husband and I are having a boy in February and he is a stubborn one too! Our Dr. thought that he was a girl because he wouldn’t uncross his legs in the ultrasound and then towards the end he decided to show it all off with no shame! It was so funny and your story totally reminds me of our experience as well. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face today!

  9. Our son did something very similar in the beginning to show us he was, in fact, a boy! And every ultrasound following he did the exact same thing. He must’ve been proud of his boyhood! I loved every single ultrasound, and we were blessed to get one at 38 weeks as my fluid seemed “low”, got a full preview of what his sweet face would look like! Great post 🙂
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    Thanks for the read!! 🙂

    1. We’re very curious about how our little nugget looks. The last time at the hospital, we got a nice profile shot. We’re very excited. Congrats on your little dude!

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