Your Mother, The Superhero

michelle

Dear Blue,

Something cool you should know. Your mother has superpowers. Well, she has several. One of them is telepathy. She will know what you’re thinking before you even think of it, and if at any point you try to lie about what you’re about to think, she will flash her next superpower. The ice stare. My guess is you will spend most of your adolescence as an ice cube. Good luck with that.

At 30 weeks pregnant, your mom’s superpowers are at a heightened state. It’s kind of like how Professor Xavier could read minds in the same room as him, and then, after he invented Cerebro, he could read an entire city. Your mom is pregnant Professor Xavier.

Case in point: We were at the mall the other day, trying to find the Abercrombie and Fitch store to buy a gift card for your uncle David. First, we eat. Then, as we exit the food court, I realize I have no idea where the store is located and look for a nearby store directory. Not needed.

Your mother, her pregnancy powers tingling, sniffs the air for less than a second, flashes her eyes up to the balcony behind us, and says, “There it is.”

And…there it actually was. On the second floor in the corner of the plaza. What the WHAT? Remember, we’re just outside of a food court with sizzling kebobs, coffee and chinese food flavoring the open air. And the store is on the next floor, at least two hundred feet away. Amazing, right?

If the police could hire pregnant women to go on drug raids, we’d clean the streets. For sure.

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