Everyone keeps telling us, “Savor every moment.” Mostly, these are casual niceties that pretty much mean absolutely nothing because there are plenty of moments, PLENTY, that are not meant to be savored.
This past Thursday, for instance, I drove down to the hospital to drop off your mother’s disability paperwork. Even though we live within walking distance of another hospital, you are going to be born a half-hour away at Kaiser Sunset, this magical stretch of medicine situated on Sunset Boulevard, just across from the Church of Scientology and bordered by fruit sellers hawking fresh crops of papaya and cherimoya. It’s…interesting. It is not particularly enjoyable driving there, however, so when I had to drive there just to drop off paperwork, I was not “savoring” the moment.
I parked the car and headed into the disability office. Here’s something you might not know, Blue. It is federally mandated that any office dealing with paperwork must be the most boring, drab and emotionally oppressive place on the planet. They gotta bring people down somehow because we’re all so flat out PUMPED to turn in paperwork. (We’ll cover sarcasm later, Blue.)
That said, when I arrived at the office, I grabbed a ticket and waited. Then waited some more. Then, when they called me, and I went to turn in the paperwork, the very polite lady manning the desk took one quick glance at the yellow forms, pushed them back across the desk towards me and said, “You’re going to be so mad, but these are old forms. You can register online now.”
Savor the moment.
So I trudged back to my car, defeated. However, because Kaiser Sunset is “retro” and only takes cash or check for payment, I had to find my way to the street on foot and get to the bank a few blocks away in order to get cash to unpark my car.
I’m a true believer that everyone has a few special skills that no one else possesses. Everyone always admires the really cool special skills, like singing or acting or writing, but there are all kinds of special skills that people might possess and they never, ever discover because they are just that obscure.
One of my special skills is getting lost in parking lots. I’m super good at this, and on more occasions than I can count, I somehow manage to find my way down some stairway not meant for me that leads to some hallway also not meant for me. Some day, I will find a use for this skill. I have yet to find it.
So there I was, wandering around this hallway deep in the bowels of the hospital parking lot, trying to find my way to sunlight. It took me close to twenty minutes. There was no clear path to the street from the parking lot, because this is LA, Blue. Walking out to the street is a silly thing to do here and you only do it if it’s absolutely necessary.
I smelled pee. Not my own. I took a small amount of comfort in knowing that I am not the sole possessor of my super special skill.
Savor the moment?
An hour later, I was home. The trip meant nothing. Accomplished nothing. But here I am, writing about nothing. Somehow, doing exactly what I thought was only a saying that meant nothing. Funny how that works.
Savor the moment, Blue. You’ll need to remember this during all the unsavory ones.